Do you believe in “signs” that fall around you? Especially if they genuinely seem to point toward a decision you know you need to make? And if you do, how much weight do you allow yourself to give those signs? Are you the kind of person that later says “Dammmmmnnnn…I wish I had paid attention to what I saw….”, only to wish that you had followed your heart when the opportunity had been present? I know I am and over the years I have tried to not be as quick to dismiss those “signs” nor as quick to jump to a good opportunity as I used to be, no matter how attractive it may be in appeal or glitter.
I find myself in that very spot today, with several of the last few days being quite intense in subject matter for me personally.
If you are a close friend or follow me on Facebook sites, you may be aware that I’m scheduled to have an audition for the American TV talent show “The Voice” in less than two weeks, on February 17, 2018. This is actually my 5th audition, and it’s something I’d very much like to do, and did more research and planning for this time than the previous 4 auditions. However, there are a few other issues going on right now that, after the “signs” of the last 2 days, have convinced me that I need to sit this audition out and wait until the next opportunity which should be in the next 6-10 months. If you’re interested in those signs, read on.
Just last night, at my normal DJ gig, while looking at a picture of my mom on Facebook with my friend, I clicked on the “next” button a few times while explaining some other pics and a photo that I hold highly spiritual in nature (and very special) – as I believe it contains an image of my sister who had passed away several years before – popped up, for the 3rd time in the same day. I felt that she was trying to reach out somehow. I explained the picture to my friend who is also a believer in such things….but no connection made yet…moving on…
Today, I had an emotional day with my 11+-year-old lab Fergie, who I’m extremely close to and is having some health issues right now, as I had to take her to an appointment where she was led off to the lab part (didn’t want to go), and she kept looking back to me…. it was sad and heartbreaking, and while I still don’t know her prognosis, I do know that she has probably got, at the most, a year left with us…. I’ve been thinking about that. SHOULD I get through callbacks on this audition, I’d be out in LA for 4-8, possibly even 10 weeks…. and miss a good portion of her remaining time… or worse. I’d never forgive myself…and yes, she’s that important to me.
The two days before the audition (which is in Houston, 200 miles away), I have two midterms, each at 8:00 a.m. in the mornings, and also work at 8:00 PM, getting off at 2:00 a.m., would only get about 5-6 hours sleep before having to get up, drive for 3-4 hours from Austin to make a 2:00 p.m. audition, and even though invited, STILL have to stand in the cattle call line, which from experience, I know can be 4-6 hours…., do the audition, and then drive back to Austin because I have a show the next day.. not to mention the loss of income from that Saturday…
We have so much more going on in our lives at the moment…not even written about here, over the next several months….the timing is just very very bad.
The last 2 items before I get to the sign I “got”…. are:
While I’m confident with what I have planned on singing, I’ll have to be honest… I’m not having the excitement feeling about it that I WANT and more so really NEED for the confidence to “sell it” as needed – but that is more tied to the fact that I failed in getting my weight under control as I wished. And that, is, unfortunately, a very big issue. Even though it “shouldn’t” matter – it’s TV, and it does. And they WILL judge you on it. No pun intended, but this has been weighing on my mind quite strongly on the last two months now.
So today, after acknowledging last week that I need to pay more attention to spirituality (and what that means to me), when I was back in the car after getting Fergie from the hospital, I got in, and I frequently listen to NPR (National Public Radio) in the car. The moment I turned on the car, a story started about the French version of “The Voice” and an event that happened with a contestant over the weekend. A girl had gotten up to sing, and her song choice was “Hallelujah”; and the song only went 4 seconds before the first judge turned around. Within only the first 30 seconds, all 4 had turned around.
For me the sign was clear – for why would this story have found just that moment to play – or more accurately, that I would have picked just that moment to get into the car? Or that I would correlate it so quickly to the spirituality I was feeling or rather…searching…for…
The bigger part of it was, the moment I became perfectly fine with deciding NOT to go on this particular audition, on a day that has been cold and overcast all day long.. the sun actually came out RIGHT at that moment…and it stayed out for about 10-15 minutes. For me, it was fully a signal from the universe that the decision the right one.
By waiting till the next season, I can get certain things taken care of, and feel the confidence that I’m lacking physically right now, some financial stressors taken care of, the weight issue, as well as some other items in addition to Fergie’s health and feel much better about it than I do right now….