First & foremost I wanna thank the nearly 2000 people that subscribe to the email list here for having any interest at all in what I’m doing, whether it’s music, film or just voicing an opinion about what’s going on in this crazy world we live in. As you’ve come to know by now, my slant on that is if I’M feeling something about something, I know I cannot be the only one and perhaps by sharing that thought it just might get one of us (or more) through the day, and then it’s worth it somehow or at least helpful.
It’s somewhat odd that I’m even commenting on this but I only notate it now because this last week I was reminded of an odd thing I did start at about 6 & 7 years old that centers around communication. No secret revealed here, but some family discourse started around that time and I now realize that I began feeling “unheard” as an individual – ironically at the same time my communication skills were really developing full swing as an individual. Other things were taking precedent in the immediate environment…I had learned sign language (alphabet only) due to being around a deaf boy in the neighborhood in our previous neighborhood, and I began this habit of “talking” in sign language under the table while at family meals and other times. I did it to a point where I would get told to stop – it appeared annoying to others, or perhaps embarrassing. I wonder now if that is a source of my tendency to be overtalkative… doesn’t matter now but its great food for thought.
Anyway, recent developments in life have us facing the loss of our oldest and most beloved pet (for me for sure) – our 11-year-old Fergie, a very loving and sweet natured yellow labrador retriever. With labs, they tend to develop hip problems and she’s showing those arthritic signs as well as some other issues that haven’t been fully identified and now displaying some discomfort which is difficult for me to witness. It’s going to be time soon to make some decisions whether to continue further medications and treatments to see how she responds or to make humane decisions about her quality of life. That’s truly difficult…..
Yesterday was a year anniversary since my best friend passed away, and the thirteenth of this month is the five year anniversary of my sister’s passing….and of course, we’re entering in the holiday season. As a full-time student, any extra funds are difficult to come by and I have some software needs careerwise that I’d love to be able to get as well as to be able to enjoy the holiday a bit, but that’s extraneous of course.
My point in all this is as we’re young, we look forward to so much in “life”, the “big things that will come as we get OLDER”, and now I am sitting here at 52 years old, wondering…or thinking….about how those expectations didn’t go quite as planned. But then I realize, the GOALS are still there and I’m still working on them, so I can’t say they didn’t happen…. and I realized that it’s something else.
What we don’t prepare for, really, are the expected and or unplanned for MARKERS that will happen. The bits of life that are unavoidable, but sadly, still needed, to even out the growth process.
Like the amount of “loss” that will happen as we experience this journey. You must also find the moments to smile.
For instance, just this moment, as I’m typing this, my dog that I love so much is laying at my feet, sleeping, and I know she does not have many days left….yet I looked up and our 3-year old picks up a stick and runs playfully across the yard with reckless abandon, and I find myself smiling…..
This is the emotional cycle of life…contained within 10 feet of my backyard.
You must find the silver lining to not let yourself fall completely under the spell of each dark cloud.
For this immediate, I must also appreciate the 11 years of love with this animal, the lesson of unconditional love and continual love of all animals put on this earth for us. Her “gift” to me was love, compressed in time for a reason, so I can continue to love in my uncompressed compressed time.
It is the same with people we lose, the situations we live through and the losses we have in our lives – each lead us to another opportunity to succeed with our selves intact, persevering through the hurt with the experience under our belts AS LONG AS WE DO NOT GIVE UP. It is the epitome of the human spirit. As we age, the appearance of this is that it just gets harder and/or sadder, but that is only because the number of experiences just increases…. but that is only because the experiences themselves are repetitive and that is just unavoidable with age.
I’ve always said that high schools should have a class that is required of all graduating seniors that teaches some very basic life skills and/or facts and they should teach you things that include things like the knowledge that include the unexpected will hit you at anytime and have it be a list of things that people add to freely…. just so people can think about it in the back of their heads….either lessen the whallop or have it be an open database for future reference on “how to deal a little better”… like I said at the beginning of this post… every little bit helps…
Thanks for reading, and as always, the support. We’ll all get thru all of it, together.