So….in the last 24 hours I have seriously contemplated just completely disconnecting every electronic device (other than keyboards/recording equipment) that is connected to the internet and installing a landline for telephone connectivity. I don’t know if the words of people I’ve read are scarier than the perceived reality of reality. It almost makes you wanna crawl away from society and people all together, do whatever it is you do and hope you can just live your life out. And electronically….well if I didn’t have some real responsibilities right now and things to maintain, I just might do it…
And then I remember this “drive”… I still can’t always explain it, and for me, it spreads across different capacities… to try to do what’s “right” (even if I fail miserably), to try to make a difference, whether it be changing something, fixing something, maybe even just a song or something, and to try to live my dreams because dang it you just never know you try hard enough and long enough you just might actually get good enough that you make it happen…. I still have that dream too, and just cannot walk away from it but I find myself stalling on the crap of life… and if I turn off the internet…then I could truly also focus, and knock this album out.
One of the biggest stalls on the album is the intended next single.. “The Color Of Light” and it deals with the very thing that is going on in the world right now… maybe that is why it’s been so hard to write..and maybe why it’s calling to me, telling me that it’s time to get back to work.
I’m not very happy right now. There’s a lot really wrong in my world, and it makes me very sad. It makes me feel selfish to even say it because the worlds problems are really huge in comparison to “little old me”, and I understand that. But I can’t even put my finger on why it’s so jumbled and for me that is a bad place. I’m sure it’s because of all the unsure feelings in life right now with the new school venture, finally getting to teach, which I actually feel very confident in, but the stability of the school MUST be there for it to take root like I wish it will. It’s always a scary feeling when you’re hoping people will believe in what you’re bringing to the table and I feel that this will be a good thing.
The world is in such pain right now and I feel that there’s a part of me that is very much an empath – in fact I took an “Empath Test” today and scored right at the top, as “valid” as that can be…. I just feel the pain of everyone and it’s hard to relax because you know another incident is just waiting around the corner. Makes it hard to unwind and create….for everyone.
I got to record and remix and remaster “Better Than A Hallelujah” this past weekend and it turned out quite nice. Its featured on the SoundCloud page along with “State of Independence” and “I Just Can’t Let Go”, all of which are also on Jango Radio right now, which is VERY cool.
Just had to write…. The first few lines were the most important -all of a sudden today I wondered what it would be like to be living just “in the moment”, doing my thing without having to wonder what things were happening online, on Facebook, on Twitter, etc… and just creating something new and original again… .maybe that could be something that could really contribute to the worlds problems….
Try to chill…
K